if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dear god my vagina.
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