There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
