I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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