So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
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Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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