im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
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Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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