It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
