i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
