I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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