Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
