i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
