I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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