I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
