I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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