Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
