Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
