My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
