HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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