Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
