Christians are straight up FREAKS
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
