My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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