He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can't turn off my feet"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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