No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
