FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
