Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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