take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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