Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
