Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
