I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
And then my night got REAL pukey
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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