she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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