Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
