Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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