My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
