i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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