I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
