I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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