Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
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For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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