Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
