Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
