Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
