PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
