she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
