Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
