I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
