Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
