More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
