my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
