life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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