His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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