in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
