i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
