I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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