Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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