Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
