You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You were trust falling into bushes
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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