ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
