do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
