Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
