Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
