The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
