i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
