it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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