If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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