this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Found the puke drawer
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You are a genius and a whore.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
