I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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