You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
