I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wish I could teleport
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
