you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
