I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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