i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I AM VODKA MAN
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
