i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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