Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
