Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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