she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
third nipple confirmed
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
